Romans 15:4

I was just thinking about when I was a kid, playing with my neighbors across the street. I've always been a little gullible, I guess any child is, but I remember the girls telling me they had swung so high that she touched the clouds and took a handful of it back down. I remember being in awe that she had actually touched the sky and grabbed hold of a cloud.
Now that was when I was about 6 years old, and I'm 19 now. I just can't help but think about where my wonder and awe of the world has gone... in some ways I wish I still believed that you could get on a swing and get so high that you could actually catch a cloud. But now I'm have the disease that I would like to call adultititus, a serious disease where you realize you're just not a kid anymore, you can't believe in such silly things like touching the sky, but instead you're thinking about the future, money, college, jobs, marriage, kids, places and you just get so worried about life. Sometimes this disease even gets you doubting that God is not a faithful God, nor a loving one. Thankfully, there is a cure for this disease which you must take every day and it is an ancient medicine for all ailments.

Romans 15:4: For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

The Best Thing

I have been considering for a long time how to sum up my 11 months in India; and how my life is changed because of it.
I have been stuck because I am afraid of offending someone, and the thought of letting people see weaknesses in me is horrifying (although it's probably not too hard to figure out my weaknesses.) So I've decided to just speak, or type, or whatever, otherwise it will never get told.

India, was indeed an experience. I believe that the things I learned, and the things I have seen have changed the course and goals of my life forever. It would be impossible to share all the things God has taught me throughout the year because I think he taught me so much, but I'm going to start with one personal moment.

I was teaching a new boy. It was one of his first days at school, so I was just trying to figure out how much he knew and where I should start with him. His brother was causing some problems for me and got into a little bit of trouble with the office so I decided to take him outside on a walk around the grounds. I was over-enthusiastically pointing out trees and bushes (which he thought was funny because he already knew the English for it)... but something happened where he thought I was trying to take him to the office, he thought he had done something wrong, but thanks to the language barrier I couldn't explain that someone just wanted to talk to him. Finally, it was too much, he started crying. This boy had just lost both his parents within 3 months of each other. He has moved to a new place, hearing a new language... I can only imagine how overwhelming it must all be for an eleven year old.  He started explaining, "No mother, no father," and started crying even harder. All I could say was "I know, and God knows too". We ended up sitting on the rocks and crying together for some time.

When I was a freshman in high school a close friend of mine passed away. I had grown up in a Christian home, but this was a turning point in my relationship with God. I began to struggle with the questions we all ask, "How can a good God let bad things happen?" or "Why are there orphans?" or "Why is there cancer?" or "Why do people shoot each other?",  "HOW CAN GOD LET THIS STUFF HAPPEN?".
These doubts and questions and a general depression lasted for quite a long time probably around a year... I knew I was being faced with a choice. I was either going to believe in Jesus and follow Him, or I wasn't.
Obviously you can tell what I chose, but here's why.
Jesus came to give us life and have life more abundantly (John 10:10)
When his children call to him he will save them (Psalm 34:17)
When we go to him tired and burdened he will give us rest (Matthew 11:28)
If we trust him he will "make straight our paths" (Proverbs 3:4-6)
and so much more.
For instance this little boy, he has been given people who love him, who put time and effort into his spiritual life, character, and future. He goes to school, eats three meals a day, plays, and yes, he works on the farm. But after I got to know him he is one of the most joyous twelve year old I've ever known- who claimed once to have seen Jesus in a vision when I prayed for him. God loves him, and this little boy knows it.
Plus. God hates evil. He hates cancer. He hates loneliness and self-righteousness. Yet, he has chosen to care for us all so deeply... to be our Healer and our Friend. But, he is also a perfect judge who abhors evil. And he will judge at the end, he will fix all that has been broken.
Imagine a world with no cancer, no liars, no orphans, no sadness or shootings or natural disasters...
and the very best, best, best, BEST thing?
Jesus.

Psalm 147:1-6

               Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant,
and a song of praise is fitting. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the outcasts of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars;
He gives to all of them their names. Great is the Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.  The LORD lifts up the humble, he casts the wicked to the ground.

Mash-up

Well, it has been a busy couple of weeks. My time for teaching is coming to an end, with only one week left. It has been very interesting becoming a teacher for a year. I wonder who learned more, the kids, or me?

My English lesson with Preetam

Helping in the library Lene and I keep finding childhood favorites.

The Magic School Bus

 The favorite thing for the boys to do? Play. A couple of weekends ago we had competition between the boys. It was the study groups against each other. They had a fun time racing with water, dancing on paper, and some other fun games.

 At Devender's birthday we had a fun time during dinner.

Chow Mein, dinner of champions and birthday boys.

 My free weekends are usually spent in Dehra Dun, the capital of my state. It's always interesting going to the cities in India.

Subway... delicious in any country.

 This post is kind of a mash up of a bunch of different things, but I'm leaving in 2 weeks so I'm running out of time!
India, most particularly Shishya has become my home. I know what I'm doing here, and why I'm doing here. More importantly, I love living here, living this life on a small campus with the some pretty special and amazing kids.
I am glad that I'm going home, but it's a very bittersweet feeling. But I could not be MORE blessed.

Biogas Project/The Farm Life

Shishya Campus is a self sustaining farm. I realized I had never mentioned any of this before so I thought I'd share a little more about the farm with you. 

They grow mustard seed and make it into oil, which they use for their cooking, they grow peanuts (sadly, this year's crop was much smaller than usual because the parrots came and ate most of the peanuts). They eat them or sell them in Selakui, the small village nearby.

They grow wheat which provides them with enough wheat to last the year for the rotis (a whole wheat, flatbread) which they eat every morning and evening. This provides the boys with iron and fibre and carbs. 

They also have about 8 cows and counting. They are dairy cows which provides everyone on campus with milk and they also sell it to the village. They make a yogurt out of it every Sunday for the whole campus, and occasionally paneer which is a (delicious) Indian cheese. 

Because of the cows the campus has a surplus of cow poop and pee. They had had a biogas thing beforehand but it wasn't working, so Jason and his wife Renee came as volunteers and Jason has designed a new biogas for them. 

(Dad, in case I forget to tell you, the lid is going to be made out of steel!) 

The boys all work on the farm in mornings and evenings, and except for lunch they make the food for the whole campus. 

They also have quite a few different kinds of vegetables and a mango orchard and guava orchard.

It's a beautiful (and clean and non-polluted!) place that has become home.

No Striving

                I've been realizing this past week that it's a dangerous thing to consider yourself a sinner after you have been saved. Sure, we still sin, but that's not who we are anymore. When we accept Jesus as God and his sacrifice, repent, etc... then we're washed, we're made into new people, we are now children of God... not the dirty sinner we keep trying to kill (even though we've already been given the authority to conquer all that stuff). We are now seen as someone who is pure and whole, like Jesus. 
              Some people were praying for me one day and one lady was praying "Thank you God, that Courtney doesn't need to strive to serve you". As soon as she said that I realized that is exactly what I do. I strive. I don't just accept Jesus and what he's done for me... but I hold onto the sinner part of me- I think that if I don't do this or this and if I do this and that then God will use me. It's kind of a shocker when God shows you your real motivations. 
              For years I have been trying to make decisions based off of the thought that God can't use me where I am and with who I am. I put myself into an anxious state because I don't know what decision would bring me closer to being the kind of person God could use. Should I go to a Bible college or a secular college? Should I go to ANY college? Should I work at this job for the time being or should I work at this job? Should I be friends with this group or with that group? 
You get the picture. I work myself into a tizzy trying to figure out what person God wants me to be... when all along I already am the person he wants me to be. 
Who God has made me is a good thing. I shouldn't try to change myself, any change that should happen will happen along my walk with God. The sin is wiped away and I'm a new person, I am able to be the person I was created to be. My motivation to "serve" God shouldn't come from trying to force myself into a box of a person that God had no intention of putting me in. He made me in such a specific and unique way, for specific and unique purposes. If I change that about myself than God won't be able to utilize me in his plans. 
I don't have to work to serve God. I don't have to strive to be who God wants me to be. 
I can just be me, and trust in God and have faith in him... because if I do those things then he will lead me, transformation will naturally come into my heart and out of my life.
Besides, the end of my walk with God won't end with service. It will end with God. 
It ends with love, everything else works out on its own. 

There is no striving,

No running against the wind,

In the kingdom of God

My God says to me,

"My child, don't you see?

Don't you know?

I have chosen you,

To be my vessel of peace.

I have chosen to love you,

Death cannot part us"

"Why do you strive to be my servant?

Why do you fight where there is no battle?

There is no striving in the kingdom of God,

There is no fight,

I have paid,

I have bought you with my precious blood…

I love you.

I have created you,

I will use you,

Wherever I take you.

I am with you,

Forever

Death cannot part us."'

"In my gentleness I wooed you,

I outheld my right hand to you,

Giving you my strength,

It is not you who chose I,

But I who chose you,

And I will lead you in my faithfulness,

Taking you on paths of severe mercy,

Opening your eyes to my work,

That you may take part in it.

In all these things,

Even death cannot part us"

"I have brought you,

To my very near presence,

I have held you,

Kept count of every tear,

Forgotten every failure,

Forgiven every sin.

Because you received my right hand,

I see only my Son in you.

I see a house painted in His blood,

I see a person made holy,

Sanctified,

Pure,

Precious,

Fearlessly following my Name,

Now, even death will not part us."

"There is no striving in my kingdom,

Only faith and trust"

Biogas Project

Of traveling and Easter

Well, it has been an fun-filled 2 1/2 weeks. I'll try and give you a (brief) overview of my trip through Agra, Delhi and the desert state of Rajasthan. 

I traveled with 4 other volunteers- a married couple from Canada, Jason and Renee, a guy from Indiana, Ryan, and my roommate Lene from Germany. So it was a very interesting and multi-cultural trip.
First we went to the Taj Mahal in Agra (the only thing to really do in Agra) 

Lene and I at the Taj

It really is a magnificent building. I can see why it's one of the
7 wonders of the world.

Then we went to Delhi- I like Delhi because there are quite a few free things you can do. These are from the Ghandi museum (I should say one of the Ghandi museum. There must be at least one museum in every city he ever went to).

The last steps of Ghandi before he was killed.

I'm always a little surprised at the places you find Jesus.
This was a painting about "two of the greatest martyrs"

Then we went to Rajasthan. In Bikaner we went on a camel safari- which included one day  riding camels and sleeping in the desert. 

I got a camel kiss-the joy...

Then we went to Jodhpur, the famous city of blue, has an amazing fort. Even Christian Bale has been in it because they filmed a scene from the newest Batman movie here. 

The last city was Jaipur- the capital of Rajasthan... it's supposed to be the "pink city" but I didn't really see that. We were there on a huge festival Holi... It's kind of hard to figure out the meaning behind these festivals- I don't really know if any of the locals even know why they celebrate certain festivals. But basically you buy these colors and throw them at each other- I've heard its a party to celebrate the beginning of summer- and I guess that makes sense when you're throwing colors at one another.

The Holi colors

Elephant decorated for Holi

Elephants have always been one of my favorite animals-
They're just so amazing-hairy- but amazing.

A man was bicycling around with a bunch of chicks on the back of his cycle.
I couldn't believe I was seeing real Easter chicks. It was like a live peep. 

fat monkey

after Holi

And that was my trip. It was fun, but getting back to Shishya felt so great, it's amazing how it feels like coming home. We got back at 5am the day before Easter and Easter here was just- incredible. It was such a nice day. 

On Easter they loaded everyone up onto a bus and 2 vehicles and we went off campus to a riverbed and ate delicious food and sang worship songs and went swimming- it was a lot of fun and really special for the boys. 

Karo and Shiva were bus buddies.

They were more excited than they looked-- Mam, look! Water!!! 

the worship time

Auntie, Vijay, Ryan and Jason.

On the bus to the river! 

Well folks, I think that's it.  I hope you enjoyed the pictures and I wish you all a very Happy Easter!!! (even if it's a couple days late :)

Oh, and I just want to say that God is so amazing...  I was reflecting this last week about India and thinking of the present and how he's working everything out for the future and I just want to say that God is sooo good. I said that coming back to Shishya was like coming home and it's true. Traveling is nice, necessary to be able to learn about the country I'm living in and see the different places and different gifts and needs of the people... but being here in India, and being with the boys has been above and beyond what I thought it would be like. I've learned so much about people, about children, about myself and mainly about God and his relationship with us. He loves me so much and he's given me more than I ever thought I wanted and more than I deserve. I'm really enjoying these verses right now. 

Psalm 32:8; 37:4

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.