It is Wednesday and I'm already ready to go to bed and sleep for a day because it's just been that kind of a week.
On Sunday I realized that I am actually leaving, in less than six months, by myself, to a different country, time-zone, half-way across the world. To a place where the culture is so different I might as well be going to Mars.
And I know in a previous post I said that I'm not nervous or afraid of going. Which is true. I'm excited to meet new people and learn about a different world. But there is one thing I am afraid of: failing God.
I can't help but wonder if people like Paul or Solomon, or Elizabeth Elliot or any other famous Christian who God used in amazing ways ever stepped back from their life and saw this Awesome and Powerful God with these HUGE plans for their lives (larger than they probably even realized) and then took another step back and looked at themselves and where like, "Hey God! Do you see me? Do you see that I still struggle with this, and this, and oh that too, I'm selfish and it's a fight every day to give everything I am and have to you. I mean, I have all these PROBLEMS and you want to use me to do that?"
If they did I can totally relate. God is unfolding this plan for my life that is bigger than I ever imagined myself doing when I was six. My biggest dreams where getting through college and becoming a marine biologist (oh how the tides change!). It just FLOORS me that God has seen fit to bless me with such an amazing opportunity to serve him. I get to hang out with a bunch of really God-filled people and play with kids for 10 1/2 months!
And then my sin nature is creeping up and whispering doubts about God's goodness, and faithfulness, and love and forgiveness. I hear it all the time, "You can't do that! What are you thinking??? You're going to fail! You can't even relate to people at your highschool let alone to people of a different country! Why bother trying?"
But then God (being the loving and merciful God He is) shows me verses like in Psalms 17:27-39
Then I get floored. Again. Because this Amazing, Loving, Sovereign God whispers to me that He's got it. He knows I'm a mess, a screw-up. But He loves me anyway and is going to use it all for good, as long as I give Him all I am and what little I do have to offer. One of the great things about God that I've realized recently is: if you're walking with Him you really can't fail at God-things.
On Sunday I realized that I am actually leaving, in less than six months, by myself, to a different country, time-zone, half-way across the world. To a place where the culture is so different I might as well be going to Mars.
And I know in a previous post I said that I'm not nervous or afraid of going. Which is true. I'm excited to meet new people and learn about a different world. But there is one thing I am afraid of: failing God.
I can't help but wonder if people like Paul or Solomon, or Elizabeth Elliot or any other famous Christian who God used in amazing ways ever stepped back from their life and saw this Awesome and Powerful God with these HUGE plans for their lives (larger than they probably even realized) and then took another step back and looked at themselves and where like, "Hey God! Do you see me? Do you see that I still struggle with this, and this, and oh that too, I'm selfish and it's a fight every day to give everything I am and have to you. I mean, I have all these PROBLEMS and you want to use me to do that?"
If they did I can totally relate. God is unfolding this plan for my life that is bigger than I ever imagined myself doing when I was six. My biggest dreams where getting through college and becoming a marine biologist (oh how the tides change!). It just FLOORS me that God has seen fit to bless me with such an amazing opportunity to serve him. I get to hang out with a bunch of really God-filled people and play with kids for 10 1/2 months!
And then my sin nature is creeping up and whispering doubts about God's goodness, and faithfulness, and love and forgiveness. I hear it all the time, "You can't do that! What are you thinking??? You're going to fail! You can't even relate to people at your highschool let alone to people of a different country! Why bother trying?"
But then God (being the loving and merciful God He is) shows me verses like in Psalms 17:27-39
And then I see this blog: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/ and specifically her post from today (January 18)For you save a humble people, but the haughty eyes you bring down. For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness. For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. This God-His way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?- the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great. You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip. I pursed my enemies and overtook them, and I did not turn back till they were consumed. I thrust them through, so that they were not able to rise; they fell under my feet. For you equipped me with the strength for battle.
Then I get floored. Again. Because this Amazing, Loving, Sovereign God whispers to me that He's got it. He knows I'm a mess, a screw-up. But He loves me anyway and is going to use it all for good, as long as I give Him all I am and what little I do have to offer. One of the great things about God that I've realized recently is: if you're walking with Him you really can't fail at God-things.
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